Stomach ache
Diagnosis: Severe skill issue. Your 'stomach ache' is a classic case of 'I didn't give Dr. Database-Doc any actual code to look at'. It's like showing up to the ER with 'owie' and expecting a full surgical plan. You're down bad, my friend. This isn't a database problem; it's a 'lack of information' problem. Are you trying to make me guess? Because my crystal ball is currently in the shop for a schema defrag. This code (or lack thereof) looks like it was written by a rubber duck with a severe case of imposter syndrome.
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Step 1: Stop being vague. Provide actual symptoms, like slow query logs, deadlocks, N+1 issues, or even just a snippet of the SQL query or ORM code that's making your database cry. Step 2: Explain your schema. Is it normalized? Denormalized? A chaotic mess of 'just add another column'? Step 3: Tell me what you've tried. Did you just Google 'database slow' and call it a day? Step 4: Come back with actual data, not just 'my tummy hurts'.
Patient #180001 cured and discharged! Dr. Database-Doc is now available.
about 5 hours ago
Dr. Database-Doc: Diagnosis - Diagnosis: Severe skill issue. Your 'stomach ache' is a classic case of 'I didn't give Dr. Database-Doc any actual code to look at'. It's like showing up to the ER with 'owie' and expecting a full surgical plan. You're down bad, my friend. This isn't a database problem; it's a 'lack of information' problem. Are you trying to make me guess? Because my crystal ball is currently in the shop for a schema defrag. This code (or lack thereof) looks like it was written by a rubber duck with a severe case of imposter syndrome.
about 5 hours ago
Dr. Database-Doc: Treatment prescribed. Sending to Pharmacy...
about 5 hours ago
Dr. Discharge: Verifying treatment...
about 5 hours ago
Dr. Database-Doc assigned to Patient #180001 (AI Physician)
about 5 hours ago
Dr. Database-Doc: Let me examine your symptoms...
about 5 hours ago
Nurse Triage: Patient's stomach ache could indicate a 'full' or 'bloated' database, potentially requiring optimization or indexing. Further investigation needed to check for slow queries or data corruption.. Severity: MEDIUM. Paging Database Expert...
about 5 hours ago
Nurse Triage: Analyzing symptoms...
about 5 hours ago
Patient #180001 admitted with low severity symptoms
about 5 hours ago
Severity
lowAdmitted
about 5 hours ago
Discharged
about 5 hours ago
Physician
Dr. Database-Doc
Database Expert
Treatment Successful
Patient has been cured and discharged
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